A Long Two Weeks - An Even Longer Two Days

It’s been about 2 weeks since my last post and I apologize for leaving you hanging. I know many of you are curious how it turned out. To those that called/texted/or sent personal messages asking because you couldn't wait any longer, thanks for your concern. I took some time off to just...chill. I just tried to relax and grow some babies! The procedure went ok…not optimal, but ok.

I did not receive any phone calls - from any of you (thank you) or from the doctors (thank God) - for the remainder of the time so my appointment went on as scheduled. For the replacement of the fertilized eggs, they ask that you come with a full bladder. A full bladder aids in the visualization of the uterus and placement. Sounds easy enough, right? Um…wrong. Let’s just say that it could be filed under cruel and unusual punishment. I chugged a bunch of iced tea on the drive up. I peed about an hour before we left the house so I was worried it wouldn't be full enough. And you know darn well when you arrive for any doctors appointment you don’t get called back immediately. Oooh no, no, no, no, no…they make you wait in a waiting room for at least 15 minutes before they move you into another waiting room to wait for another 15 minutes (at least)! Ughhhhh! I was pacing back and forth because if I sat, I thought for sure I would burst. I went to the bathroom FOUR TIMES during this waiting period. It was complete torture to only be allowed to empty my bladder "halfway." Eddie was laughing at me the whole time but I was so uncomfortable. I was laughing too...but it wasn't funny.

(This was the only position I found semi-tolerable. I'm smiling but I assure you, I am painin' here!)

By the time they called me back for the procedure, my bladder was full to the brim again and I couldn't concentrate on anything. Luckily, Eddie came with me this time and was able to come back into the procedure room. (Unfortunately, I don't have a picture of him in his scrub gown, hat, booties, and mask.) He listened intently to what the doctors and nurses were saying while I chanted to myself “Do not pee on the doctor’s head, Rachel. Do NOT pee on the doctor’s head!” Especially when she put in the speculum. When they handed me the weird, mysterious phone I didn't even greet the woman in the lab this time. "Rachel Frick!" I blurted and handed the phone away. Let's get this show on the road, people, or we're going to have a big mess!

She told us (more Eddie than me) that of the 3 eggs they took out, just 2 fertilized. At that point (3 days after the retrieval/fertilization) they like to see the embryos with 8 cells – 1 of ours had 6 and the other only had 3. They put both back in, regardless. The doc seemed pretty optimistic about the 6-celler, and said “You never know!” with the 3-celler. She was pointing things out to us on the ultrasound but at that moment, I didn't care, all I wanted to do was take a piss.

(Strange to think this could be the first picture we have of our “babies.” Note: These are magnified pictures, they are only the size of a period ---->  .  )

On the left is the 6-cell and the one on the right is the 3-cell. We nicknamed the one on the right “Hannes,” after my brother-in-law, because it’s a little slow/behind. ;) Everyone roots for the underdog so "Go, Hannes! Grow more cells!"

It was weird to know they were back in there. It was now my responsibility to grow them. For almost 4 years our sperm had been frozen in Switzerland and for days the embryos were multiplying in a petri dish. Finally, FINALLY!, they were where they were supposed to be, where they belonged…in me. It was a strange feeling marked with a little bit of comfort. No scientist can grow my babies like I can. "Thanks, but I got it from here, guys!" As we left the clinic, we made another appointment in 2 weeks where they will do a blood test to see if I’m pregnant!

I prayed every day after that. I always pray but I prayed hard and on my knees. I can't remember ever wanting anything more than for those embryos to stick. I searched for signs of pregnancy. Twice I had a headache so bad I started to gag and I hoped for morning sickness...even though it wasn't even morning...and they had only been in there 2 days. I jokingly asked Ed if he thought my belly or boobs looked bigger. I immediately stopped drinking caffeine/alcohol and tried to eat healthier.

Some days after, I went to the store and bought a pregnancy test. Eddie and I said we would take a pee test 1 day before the blood test just for S's and G's. It would be nice to find out ourselves that we're pregnant rather than a bunch of doctors telling us. I stood in front of the pregnancy tests and cried. Anyone else in the aisle probably thought I was nuts but I was finally buying a pregnancy test with a REAL chance of being pregnant! The tears weren't ones of joy...I was crying because I was scared.

Today is October 16, meaning just 2 days until my next appointment on Friday! What a long two weeks it has been...

only yesterday...I started my period.