I'm standing at my patient's isolette and charting my recent findings. I lift my pen from the paper (yes, we still paper chart) and my thoughts drift elsewhere again. I'm physically there but mentally I am way far away. I've been on night shift the past week. It's been over a week since the transfer and, as mentally exhausted as I am, I should be thankful for the distraction of work. While I'm at work, only every other thought is about my own babies while simultaneously helping to prevent other people's babies from dying. (Overly dramatic, I know.) :)
After the night shift, I make my way home and clamber into bed. Before I doze off I ask God again to continue to help our babies grow. With His help and the exhaustion of taking care of critically ill babies all night, sleep eventually comes. When I wake up, I roll over and reach for my phone. I text Eddie to tell him I'm awake. It's weird but I love when I'm still half asleep and he comes and wakes me up completely. He is usually somewhere in the house or outside with Teddy trying to keep him occupied and quiet so I can get some rest. When Ed peeks through the bedroom door I smile. I smile because he's smiling. I missed him while I was asleep. I take off my blindfold completely and pull out my ear plugs and we smooch. This happens every time he's home when I wake up from a night shift. He never texts me back and says "Aw, come on, hun, just get up and meet me in the living room." He always comes to get me.
We chit chat a little about my night and I ask him about his day so far. Then he smiles and says "Day 10."
"Day 10!" I repeat.
We have a mini celebration but in my head I worry because I haven't actually gotten up to go pee yet.
I'd be lying if I told you I think about anything else during my waking hours. These weeks of waiting are torturous. Yet I secretly try to savor them. Truth is...I'm scared. I'm really, really, really scared. I'm terrified for this week to end.
"Don't worry." They say.
"Try not to be too stressed out," they advise.
Hah, yea right. As nerve racking as they are, I wish I could bottle these days up and save them. During these days, Eddie and I are still hopeful. We talk about the embryos. We talk about the possibility of twins. We discuss name choices. Sometimes we get ahead of ourselves and talk about how we really need to pay attention to their friend choices later in life and that we need to stress the importance of not smoking...but then we come back down from our high. We can't be too delusional.
But sometimes, the darker thoughts creep in. "Rachel, don't you dare get your hopes up again. Don't you dare be so stupid! You remember what happened last time? And the time before that?!" My brain is trying to protect me while my heart holds on to hope and my spirit tries to give it all to God. I'm not sure if I'm being realistic or if it's Satan trying to put these bad thoughts in my head but it's tiring. I wish I had an app on my phone where I could check to see what those two little stinkers are doing in there.
I fight the urge to take a home pregnancy test too. I bought one in the States for like 89 cents at Walmart so it's probably not the best of quality. I think only the expensive ones are really sensitive to the HCG increases.
"But if it's twins I'll have a higher level and it might detect it!" I point out to Eddie.
He won't let me take it. I can hear it yelling for me from the bathroom as I type this entry.
"Pee on me! Hurry, pee on me before Eddie gets home!" it's saying.
If I could see on the test that it is positive I would worry less. But what if it were negative? It would put me in a funk and I'd try to convince myself it's way too early. Or I'd curse Walmart for selling faulty products.
Our appointment is on Monday but I usually don't even need that appointment. Usually I know 2-4 days before the appointment that it didn't work. As the days go by, the more anxious I get to go to the bathroom. I can't help but think that in a few days I could be wishing and begging to come back to these days. The days where our hope and dreams were in full bloom.
So my blog has been kind of dramatic lately. I wanted to switch things up a bit with this one. Although getting pregnant consumes the majority of my consciousness, I am for the most part very happy. The main thing that keeps me this way is the love of my husband. I've mentioned in a few posts before how being married to a foreigner (me referring to Eddie or Eddie referring to me) can be very interesting. Especially when it comes to verbal communication. Things get twisted, skewed, and lost in translation. There can be a lot of reading between the lines on what the other might mean while trying to talk in another language.
I got this idea from a list on Buzzfeed and decided to make my own about Eddie. When Eddie and I were dating I started keeping a list of all the words he would say incorrectly. I would never correct him because I thought it was adorable. Is that cruel? Maybe. Do I love a cheap thrill? Who doesn't? I knew one day Eddie would say all these words correctly. I knew that, with time, he would eventually correct himself...and he has. It's amazing how perfect his English is. I'm proud but it makes me a little said that he has lost his thick accent.
I kinda, briefly, sorta, indirectly got his permission to make this entry about his earlier mistakes but I'm also excited to see how he reacts after I actually post it. He's going to be mad...haha, I can't wait!
Instead of ankle.
Eddie - "Babe, my angle really hurts."
Me - "Hm...ok...?"
The first time he said, "Hey, look at that man with the two crickets under his arms," the man above morphed into the man below right before my eyes
This one made me giggle because I couldn't help but imagine the fire extinguisher talking:
Get it? Because it distinguished between what is a fire and what is not a fire?
Instead of mouth hygiene. I laughed every time this vision came to my head:
Close, Ed. You were real close.
So if I saw that he got something on his "napkin" I would know to hand him a "chin."
He made the plural plural.
Similarly...
When he said "Wow, that car has a lot of roast on it!" I imagined this:
In the morning, Eddie would ask me to make him some "scrumbled eggs."
"Coming right up, dear!" I'd say and hurry to the kitchen with a big smile on my face.
The difference between scrambled eggs and scrumbled eggs? More adorableness and love are in the scrumbled ones.
I mean, you have to give him partial credit on this one. If you're being strangled you're probably going to struggle a bit.
In all fairness, this is a direct translation from German "Zahnfleisch" but still really silly.
"My brother has really big teeth meat."
"Hm...ya don't say."
This one was really confusing. When we were sitting on the couch he asked me if I could hand him a tissue. I didn't have a box of Kleenexes on the coffee table. He wasn't crying. So I slowly grabbed the nearest object next to me, a throw pillow, and handed it over to him hesitantly...
He took it! And put his head on it! "Phew!" I thought and from that moment on I had to make a mental note that Tissue = Pillow.
"Hey Babe, can I have a zip of your water."
This one always melted my heart.
"If this was the last drop of liquid on this earth I would give it to you because you just called it a 'zip.'" I felt like saying.
But instead I'd hand over my glass and say "Sure!"
Instead of unicorn. Are you guys falling for his cuteness too?!?
This might be a German mistake but he'd sometime switch the "V" in words and pronounce them like a "W."
Other examples: "Did you go wisit your grandma when you were home?"
"It's cold out so I think I'll wear my west."
He used to pronounce the silent "B" at the end of words like "bomB." They pronounce each letter in German. Silly language!
Ok, this one is my all time favorite because it makes the sentence really akward. One day Eddie proudly said to me "I gave Teddy (our dog) semen for breakfast! And he liked it!"
.....
...
....
...
My brain was working overtime trying to figure out what in the hell he could mean. Surely he doesn't mean what he said.
Calmly, I asked "Do you mean....salmon?"
"Ooops, haha, yea!"
"Oh thank the good Lord!" I wanted to say.
For the record, I did correct that one. I can't have him making that mistake on the streets.
So I know what you guys are thinking. You're thinking -
1. Why didn't I marry a European?
2. Rachel, why are you not in graphic design.
The answer to number one is...you still have time (unless you're already married, then enjoy your boring life full of clear messages and no misunderstandings). Might I recommend going to Mexico in search for a cute, single European.
As for number two, although my photo-shopping skills are magnificent, my calling is with those premature babies. Sorry!
Now, can't wait for Eddie to see this post. I sure hope he doesn't "struggle" me!
America vs. Germany
272. At that same McDonalds, there is a code on your receipt in case you have to use the bathroom. You type it in and the door unlocks to go in. I guess it is to reduce the people in the shopping area from coming in just the use the bathroom.
273. Decent hair extensions in Germany are 1,000 Euros.
274. I already touched on how you have to pay to park in parking garages in another blog but another difference is you have to bring your ticket in with you. Before you leave the building, you put the ticket in a little machine and pay. The machine punches holes in the ticket and when you leave the garage, you put the ticket in another machine and it lifts the gate. In the US, we just give someone the job of taking the money at the exit of the garage and lifting the gate. This way you can just leave your ticket in the car too.
275. The Germans abbreviate a lot. Some of the ones I see often are: MFK, MfG, TÜV, GmbH, DDR, G5, LKW, RTL, C&A, A&O, GMBH, etc...
Unless you’re one of my German friends, you won't know what those are. There is even a German rap song (yes, I said German rap) where they list all the abbreviations. The group’s name is “Die Fantastischen Vier” and they are even abbreviated to “Fanta4.”
276. European men wear capris or "3/4 pants." American men wouldn't dare. Let the record show that Eddie no longer wears capri pants since the entrance of me into his life. You're welcome, Ed.
277. We often have to drive over the border from Germany to Switzerland and vice versa. In order to have a better chance of not being stopped by the customs officers it's a good idea to make sure you're wearing your seat belt, have your Vignette visible, take of your hat and sunglasses, put up your sun visor, and bat your eyelashes. (Ok, the last one is a joke...kinda) ;)
278. There are "Highway Churches" along the autobahn. Eddie said they are for travelers and truckers who are always on the road. I thought that was cute.
279. The Germans love compound words:
Bademantel - bath coat - robe
Schriebtisch - write table - desk
Staubsager - dust sucker - vacuum
Büstenhalthen (BH) - bust holder - bra
Feuerlöscher - fire eraser - fire extinguisher
And of course, the ever-so-popular: RECHTSSCHUTZVERSICHERUNGSGESELLSCHAFTEN (39 letters) - insurance companies which provide legal protection
Basically, they just like to string words together. I think it's creative!
280. There is ONE grocery store that I know of that is open until midnight. It's called Rewe and is in another city. I sure do miss the convenience of Giant Eagle/Kroger/Walmart!
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